Inferiority complex.

Music: Yamapi - ADAMAS
Mood: Fucked up lousy.


I feel so inferior. There are so many people out there in the world who are so pretty. And they're so grateful and thankful for every little thing in their lives even i feel like a bitch. Younger than me, yet more mature than me. I'm sure it's only because of the amount of experiences other people have compared to me. The only way you can mature is to grow up, face the harsh reality and accept it. Come to terms with it and live with it. And this is exactly what I've been trying to avoid the whole of my life..

I never want to grow up. I want to live sheltered by caring people. To be cared for. To not have to fuss over the big and small issues of life. I've never experienced any terrible friendship problem. Nor love. Nor social. Family, maybe. But that's my fault and it wasn't caused by anyone else. I've never realized the importance of growing up. You can fully appreciate life and know how to avoid/dodge any bad stuff.. I, for one, can't even navigate myself properly if i'm in a place that i've been to thrice or less. I'm  that fucked up. All because i didn't wanna grow up. Peter Pan syndrome.

And now i'm being left behind, obviously, because of my lack of self-conscious(is that the right word?) and logic/common sense. I'm naive, I'm incredibly trusting because i believe that doubt and suspicion shouldn't exist. But. What a reality we live in. It's disgusting. Lies, con, fake, hiding, greed, jealousy... just to name a few. And here I am, still indulging in this fucked up perfect fairytale of mine hoping the world will at least try to be innocent for a day without lying. Who am I kidding? Myself? It crushes me that i have to be as filthy as the world we live in to survive in it.

"I'm just a kid" is no longer an excuse. I don't even know how to cook stuff that majority would know. What is going to happen to this thing of a human, i wonder. I'm sure I'll die early if i carry on like this. And i am also sure that i will carry on like this because i cant BAM! MATURE! in a second. (T_T) mature people dont type smileys do they.

Still, I want to spread love. In hopes that at least some people will be happy.
I can never be someone that i want to be. I have to make do and be proud of myself. But really it takes time, effort, support and a hardy personality. What am i going to do. Urgh.

And yet sometimes i sin. So... who am i to judge the world, really. Zzzzzigh.
I'm sorry if I didn't write coherently. I never seem to. My mind kind of just whizzes through and i jump from one idea to the 10th one in a few seconds. Expert at daydreaming huh.

-
Umm..... Here's something the immature andrea want to say. Click this, upload your photo or your friends photo or your idol's photo and get their age/gender percentage. It's really fun! I gave a shaggy photo of Jin and he turns out be 65 years old and 50% girl 50% boy. I heard Tegoshi and Massu are 12 and 10 respectively. Haha, Massu is younger yo.

Love xx