draw and write

Im feeling artistic today. No wait I am artistic.

Successfully drew Lena Fujii this afternoon. Overall would be considered a success but today's drawing was so. much. of a failure to me.
I took hours perfecting it. I usually only move on/continue drawing other parts when I'm satisfied with it. But I wasn't for sooo long. I spend hours on the face/hair and one-two hours on the body. Wtf?
And when I look at the photo, then look back at my drawing, and back at the photo, my heart sinks because my drawing evokes a different vibe from the friggin photo. In the photo it's colorful and friendly.. But.... T_T

My drawing only looks okay when you don't scrutinize it x_x

THE DIFFERENCE IS SO FUCKING OBVIOUS I HATE MYSELF URGHHHHHHHHHH

This was my photo reference.

(will scan and upload my drawing in the morning...)
Had to crop and edit the contrast.

Also, I've been feeling the urge to write recently. I read a good fanfiction the other day. It isn't awesome, and it is actually quite far off from the best/my favorites, but it's better than the typical fangirl fantasy shit I come across every now and then. The plot is okay. But what I LOVED was her character portrayal. I swear. Fucking. Awesome. Shit.

It is sooo good. If you are not against gays or S&M, then I guess you could enjoy it. It's a 8 chapter multichap with 2 prequels.

(I'll add the link in when I wake up.... x_x) HERE

I wonder if I should write.
The carefree style- like how you just write what comes to mind and heck care about the ending or where it's going.
Or the planned manner. Where you plan the entire thing then write it out.

Planning it ruins the spontaneity. Killjoy <.<
But then again I salute those who dare to anyhow write and publish it, telling readers 'I don't know where this is going but it's gonna be a fun ride.'
Haha. They like.. Don't mind whether it turns out horrible. Saluteeeee.

If I ever write, I won't even publish it LOL. Because

I AM INSECURE AND I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM HOORAY

<3 ciao bananas