lazycrazy

'12 Christmas fucking sucks. Man, i was just showing some princessy fit and now it's blown up to this? My fault but you don't have to be so impatient. Fucking hate you. Fucking hate my family. Fucking hate my luck.

Xmas party at Shanette's was fun. Great and all. I got presents and a polaroid pic.

I had to go to AMK then to church. I left late. I reached amk and see my next bus go past. Then another. Down on luck. Decide to take a cab. The first one i see i can't tell if its hired or not. when it drives off, its green light. The next available cab comes at 11:55. Midnight mass is 5 minutes away. I reach church 12:05. I run in. I fall knee first on the mud and grass and my thigh high socks are soiled. i go in and i can't find my parents. I find them then realize there wasnt enough space. I'm left hanging, waiting at the door sending numerous texts and missed calls to my mum and she takes her time to reply while i stand there. she sends pathetically short messages. She tells me that my brother is standing around at the back so i go up to accompany him. Pretty much 3/5 of the church sees my hair. I stand and kneel on concrete for the longest period of time. My parents don't turn back to wave at their children to say peace or what. I can't go down the stairs right because i fell a while ago and my knees are weak. After mass i feel ignorant and want them to come up to say merry christmas to me. they get us to come down. i ignore their hugs and i dont wish them merry christmas. on the way out of mass i see no one i know except for one bps/dance junior and i'm thoroughly disappointed at how there were some church bitches that said they want to meet me badly and i don't see them after mass. they don't make the fucking effort to find me and it's super easy considering how i have pink hair. fuck their useless sweet talk. still can say if don't see me will sad. xmas text also don't have. bitches. possible plan with eating supper with a bps friend disappears as we head to the car immediately.
parents get angry in the car saying i'm unreasonable for wanting them to come up to hug etc when saying peace. they don't know that i fell down and can't go down stairs efficiently. they say 'we didn't teach you all to be so rude.'
'was i rude?'
'yes'
i say i'm sorry if they find me rude and they don't say anything else. they don't wish me a merry christmas.

well then clearly i'm not going to have a very merry christmas at this rate.




parents say that i don't tell them everything, so how would they understand me? they blame misunderstandings and miscommunications on me.

but how can i tell you everything when you never want to listen, scold me as a pestering nagging piece of shit, and most of all blackmail and malign and misuse my information and twist my words and tell other people what i'm going up to when you dont fully understand?

crying for real. fuck everyone





and if you're reading this please note i am ENTITLED FREEDOM OF SPEECH on my blog because it is my blog you are reading if you want me to less or no fucks at all, please go ahead and read my webstore. alternatively you can just continue to not read anything and stay ignorant, believing your daughter is a this and this and this kinda girl and nothing else, and not understanding. hmf.

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im ok now. i'm just really glad i have pink hair. love it. cuddling with kenji