My future.

Hello. 12:21am nao. I am sitting on my bed, typing this on iPad with my pedobear beside me. This post is gonna be about my future, my poly course choices and my dreams.

Just submitted my JAE form a few minutes ago. (11:57, to be exact)
Before I sent in my form, there was a HECK LOT of discussing with my parents. Hence this post. Today/night, I will be talking about me and only me. All about me.

I'll just get straight to the main point of the whole conversation.
Gist: my parents are suggesting courses other than apparel design, to me. My mum even wanted to take up a stable course and take fashion as a hobby/weekend class, something like that. I get what they're trying to say, yeah the fashion industry is fickle and jumpy and unstable and all.. Yeah the heart of it all is in Europe and not my beloved Japan.. And yes I may not survive this 3 year fashion diploma with the same passion. But I really, do, still want to take up the diploma. I've only been foreseeing myself as someone in the fashion industry, nothing less. I can't see myself as a full time hardcore IT animator or something, neither can I be a full time psychologist?

My father wanted me to learn French.. Drop Japanese. He said I had to be prepared to stay in Europe for god damn long #foreveralone years, with very little home visits. He told me that the French in this industry were snobbish and if i can't even speak French, I'll be looked down at. Not
a fuck will be given to my designs. He told me Japan is no way a big fashion capital.

I can't say that I am 100% sure that I will make it big in the fashion industry, but I really want to try. I have my insecurities and I do doubt myself from time to time. My vision of the future is not crystal clear and there are things clouding it... But... I want to take the risk...

I could be poor, in debt.
I could be unsuccessful.
I could be despised, looked down upon.
I could be deemed worthless and useless by higher ups.
I could give up one day, claiming that it's taking too much of me.
I could have no appealing inspiration.
My ideas may be disgusting to some.
I could be stepped on, trampled on..

The working society is so harsh... And so mean. Underhanded tricks and all
I could just be a single, vulnerable rabbit amongst a pack of angsty wolves.

But I want to try.........
Like what everyone says, if you never try, you'd never know how you would have fared. I can say, "at least I tried" and I won't have a huge regret to burden as I grow old.

God, the road ahead is so rocky. -_-
I'd really have to trust God for the rest of my life. My life is in His hands. It's up to him. Guess I'd just have to play along with how he wants my life to be like.

...Hopefully I go to heaven.
I'm sniffling now as I think about how tough the obstacles are going to be. Why must it be so difficult to follow your dreams?

My parents are scared that I'm being irrational by picking Apparel design.

Why must artists be poor. And only famous once they're dead? I hope that I get to live to a ripe old age.

Or that 21st dec is true.

Ah but if it's true I wouldn't have the time, money and capability to fulfill my dreams.
Please let it not be the end of the world. *prays fervently*

Here's a photo of the 12 poly course choices I picked. I cropped the middle part of it out because it contained my particulars. I am not gonna put up personal particulars here man(wtf siao ah later people come my house/prank call me).

50 day blogging challenge number 3 shall be done tomorrow. It's a fun task that I cannot perform on an iPad. Wait for it! I'm looking forward to doing it too! Hehehe.

Au revoir. (French)
Sayonara. (Japanese)
Ciao. (wtf I forgot)
Goodbye.